Mission Log: Gundam Shenlong 05
by Gerald Tarrant and Quicksilver
Summary: A character study of Chang Wufei during the war. Investigates the different facets of his personality, his beliefs, and the relationships he has to those around him. Please r/r.


Sainan no Kekka: Mission Log 05

_Gundam Wing is property of Sotsu Agency, Bandai Studios, and TV Asahi. Sainan no Kekka and all original characters and plot copyright 2000 by Quicksilver and Gerald Tarrant. Please ask permission before reposting._

  
**SHIN KIDOU SENKI GUNDAM WING**

SAINAN NO KEKKA  
Mission Log: Gundam Shenlong 05

**BEGIN TRANSMISSION  
DECRYPTION CODE 05  
--CLASSIFIED--**

  
**Alpha: Alarm**

The blaring of the alarm jolted him out of slumber and through sleep-fogged eyes he could see Heero at the window, staring out at the snow covered plain. He sat up, running a hand through rumpled hair, senses and muscles alert.  
"What is it?"  
There was a pause in which he could feel both of them listening for something…for gunfire, for laser fire, for the distant crash of cannon. There was nothing.  
Heero shrugged. "Nothing," he said.   
"Go back to sleep."

  
**Bravo: Barton**

He'd only seen Trowa with the clown makeup once, which was when he'd walked into the Gundam pilot's room to see if he had any spare computer parts. He would have asked Heero, but Heero was gone on some mission or other, and Quatre and Duo were no good at computers.  
There was a bang when he had knocked on the door, as if something had fallen over. He heard muffled cursing. Trowa, cursing? Trowa never cursed.  
"Who is it?"  
He blinked, frowning. "Wufei. Can I come in?"  
The door opened a moment later, and he almost stepped backwards at the sight of the half-human, half monster that stood before him. Then he realized it wasn't a monster, but only Trowa's face painted with circus makeup.  
He didn't raise any eyebrow as Heero would have, didn't start asking questions as Duo would have, didn't express concern as Quatre would have. He simply walked into Trowa's small room, took the parts he needed, and left.  
He supposed he should have asked to use the parts, but that would have meant an actual conversation. And he hadn't thought the other boy was up to answering detailed questions at the moment about how to install a hard drive or when Heero was coming back or why the clown makeup was streaked with what looked like tracks of tears.

  
**Charlie: Catalonia**

She met him coming out the spacedock door of the Peacemillion.  
"Chang."  
"Catalonia." He inclined his head. She smirked at him. If she hadn't been a woman, he would have almost considered her a worthy opponant. Almost.  
"Where are you going?"  
"It's no concern of yours," he said shortly, trying to shove past her to the briefing room.  
"Oh, but it is." He wished she would wipe that smirk off her face. Her side had lost the war, she was being kept under constant electronic surveillance, and yet she had the nerve to smirk at him.  
He didn't like that it bothered him. It made him feel like a coward.  
Just as he was about to tell her off, she slipped to the side, motioning him forward.  
"Have a nice day!" she called to him cheerfully.  
He ground his teeth.

  
**Delta: Doll**

"Mobile Doll to starboard!"  
"I see it!"  
Two well-placed shots transformed the head of the doll to dust, and he eased his Gundam away from the exploding mess. Shrapnel flew past his windshield and he raised one arm of his machine in an attempt to ward off damage.  
"05, you've got one on your tail."  
"Damn it!"  
"Stay on task, 05."  
The doll paced him as he maneuvered and faked and then sent out a blast from the beam saber that cleaved the doll cleanly in half.  
He stayed still as it exploded around him, surrounding him in a eternity of flame.

  
**Echo: Earth**

"It's beautiful, isn't it?"  
"What?"  
"Earth."  
"No."  
"Why don't you think so?"  
"It's dying."  
"Isn't it what you're fighting for?"  
"No."  
"Then what do you fight for…?"

  
**Foxtrot: Family**

"I have a lot of sisters," Quatre said.  
He looked sideways at the Sandrock Gundam pilot, sitting in the hard chair with his legs crossed, a cup of tea in his hands.  
"Really." He wasn't in the mood for conversation.  
"Yes." Quatre took a sip of his tea. "Twenty-nine, as a matter of fact."  
He tried not to look shocked, but he wasn't nearly as good as hiding his feeling as Trowa and Heero were. Quatre saw, and smiled a little.  
"Surprised, Wufei? Don't be. I never saw half of them for any significant amount of time. A lot of them the age difference between me and them was too great for me to ever even get to know them as people."  
"So…" his curiosity got the better of him. "Who were the sisters you talked to?"  
"I talked to Jaffa. She's one of the older ones…but I have a pretty good relationship with her. She knows who I am. What I'm doing. She's the only one in my family who approves me being here. Because she knows."  
"I see," he said. The tea was beginning to look good. He'd had a long day.  
Quatre noticed his look and held the tea cup out to him. "Have some."  
It was so tempting. "No."  
Stupid stubborn pride.  
Quatre smiled again. "Then there was Reeshya…she's the youngest, only a little older than me. My father's always been protective of her. She's the baby of the family, I suppose."  
"What about you?"  
The smile disappeared. "I'm male. I can't afford to be a baby."  
"I see." Exhaustion won over the pride and he held out his hand. Quatre placed the tea cup into it.  
"Sorry. I don't even know why I'm talking about this."  
He shrugged. "I don't mind. What else would we talk about? Killing people?"  
Silence.  
"That's what I thought."

  
**Golf: Gundam**

They all talked to their Gundams. He didn't know of anyone and had never known of anyone who talked to machines. His grandfather used to talk to his radio sometimes, but that was different. The radio talked back. A Gundam didn't.  
But that didn't stop them from talking to them anyway.  
It was common courtesy that if one walked into the hangar and overheard a conversation between another pilot and his Gundam, one would leave and come back later.  
That was just how they did things.  
Sure, the Gundams never talked back, but maybe it was better that way.

  
**Hotel: Hell**

"Maxwell, do you believe in hell?"  
The braided pilot looked at him quizzically from where he sat on Shinigami's shoulder, polishing something. "Sure. Why shouldn't I?"  
"Just wondering."  
He scrounged among the tools in the toolbox, looking for a drill. There was the sound of feet dropping lightly onto the concrete floor, and a hand on his shoulder. He stiffened.  
"What's up, Wufei?"  
"Nothing is 'up,' Maxwell." He tried to move away from the other's hand, but Duo was stronger than he thought.  
"Come on. Tell your buddy Duo about it. He's your pal!" A grinning face thrust into his. "You can tell Death anything!"  
Normally he would have bit out some remark about Maxwell's intelligence or his Gundam's proportions, but today he was too tired. He simply stared Death in the face until its violet eyes blinked in confusion.  
"Maxwell," he said. "Do me a favor?"  
"Grow up."

  
**India: Independence**

"Independence for the colonies," the radio proclaimed. The announcer sounded even more excited tham the last one had. "Independence for all colonists!"  
Some patriotic music came on, and he slapped the machine off with some disgust, rolling onto his side and staring at the ceiling.  
Independence.  
He'd believed in it once, but he'd somehow stopped believing.  
Maybe it was when his colony had died.

  
**Juliet: Jello**

There was a strange smell coming from the kitchen and he was almost afraid to go in. It was past midnight. What could possibly be going on?  
"And then you add some water…I think."  
Quatre blinked. "Are you sure? The package doesn't say anything about that…Wufei!"  
"What the hell are you two doing up at this hour of the night?"  
Duo grinned at him happily. "We're making jello!"  
"What the hell is jello?"  
The braided boy snickered. "Lighten up, Wufei! Jello is…umm…" He watched as Duo tried to find the words to describe the quivering mass of gelatin currently cooling on the counter. "Squishy stuff," the pilot finally finished, gesturing to the gelatin. "Want some?"  
"Hell, no!"  
"When you say hell, are you talking to me?"  
He opened his mouth to respond and received a mouthful of…something.  
"MAXWELL!"

  
**Kilo: Khushrenada**

The sword point at his throat was mocking.  
He could smell his own sweat rising off him in waves.  
His opponent was smiling.  
_That was beautiful…Wufei._  
NO!

  
**Lima: Libra**

"That ship's huge!"  
"Shut your mouth, 02," he commanded over the comm. "Let's do our job and get out of here."  
The crackle of static on the comm cut him off. "Incoming transmission," Heero's dead voice sounded.  
"Gundams, this is Battleship Libra. Retreat, and you will come to no harm. Advance, and you will be destroyed. I repeat: retreat and you will come to no harm. Advance at your own risk."  
"At your own risk," Duo said. His voice held just a faint trace of mad glee. "I like that."  
"Let's go," Heero said. "Unless…anyone has any objections?"  
Silence.  
"I didn't think so."  
Shinigami's pilot whooped over the speaker. "Libra, here we come! Prepare to be destroyed!"  
"Shut up, 02!" Quatre's voice.  
"Wow," Duo said. "OK 04, I get the point, I get the point."

  
**Mike: Merquise**

"The one they call the Lightning Baron…Merquise. What do you think of him?"  
"He might prove to be more dangerous than Khushrenada in the long run." Heero's cold eyes bored into his.  
"Why do you say that?"  
The other pilot shrugged. "Just a feeling I have. Like everything else."  
He snorted.  
"You don't believe me, do you?" Heero said calmly, popping the data card out of the slot on his laptop and sliding it back into the case.  
"No. Hard to imagine you have feelings, Yuy."  
"Concentrate on Merquise, Chang," came the response. "He's easier to figure out. Trust me."  
"I believe you. That's the problem."

  
**November: Nataku**

I think of you at night, Nataku, when the moon is high and I am alone.  
I like to think that you are watching me, sometimes. Just sometimes. Most of the time I am too ashamed of myself to even think that you would bother watching someone as cowardly and insignificant as me.  
But it gets lonely. When it was lonely then you were always there to cheer me up, to throw out some stupid or scathing remark that would catch my attention and bring me out of myself. That doesn't happen anymore. The others don't know.  
You were the only one I allowed to do that.  
You really thought you were Nataku, didn't you? And I didn't believe you. Not even when you were fighting for me. I didn't believe.  
If I had believed, would you still have died?  
I think…I think I could have loved you. In time. I think I would have tried harder if I had known that life was so short and chances weren't chances after all. Thinking back, I realized you tried too, as hard as anyone could have tried.  
You were a true warrior, in body and in spirit and in truth. I vowed to fight for you, when you died, but really I'm not sure what I'm fighting for anymore. Maybe it's you. Maybe it's myself.  
I miss you.  
Nataku.

  
**Oscar: OZ**

Duo was sitting scrunched up in a chair, head turned to the window, when he walked into the room. At the sound of his footsteps, the other pilot stiffened, but didn't look around. The lighting was dim and he could barely see the back of Duo's head.  
"What are you doing?" he said, not so much of a true query but just because that was something to ask. Because Duo wasn't talking, and there was something wrong about that. Duo was always talking.  
"Nothing."  
"Maxwell-"  
"I read a book when I was little," the braided pilot said, still staring out the window. "It was called the Wizard of Oz. About this guy who was some all-powerful ruler of this country but all he really was was a freak pushing buttons on this giant machine. When he pushed levers, some steam would come out, and the country was scared. Of steam and levers."  
He frowned. There was something in Duo's statement that rankled him, and he wasn't sure what it was.  
"Are you trying to say we're scared of steam?"  
He heard the mocking smile in the other's voice. "There you go again. Trying to be all noble and shit."  
"Duo."  
The boy turned then, wide blue eyes meeting his. "You know, Wufei," he said. "That's the first time you've ever called me by my name."  
"What are you trying to say, Duo?"  
Duo shrugged. "Steam, levers, gears, machines…you figure it out yourself. If you can. I'm not sure I could."  
In the violet eyes, he read a sudden despair. "Wufei…I can't help but think…maybe all we're fighting is steam and levers and stupid illusions…and we can't seem to see through the clouds to find out."

  
**Poppa: Peacecraft**

They didn't look at all alike, he realized. The brother and the sister.  
"So what are you doing after the war, Wufei?"  
Relena was actually talking to him. He bit back a savage reply, choosing instead to ignore her.  
"Wufei!"  
He sighed. He had no time to make idle conversation with her. "Why don't you ask Yuy? You always seem to be doing that."  
"Heero won't talk to me." She sounded pouty, like a child.  
"I don't blame him," he said under his breath, getting up to leave.  
"Wufei! Come back here!"

  
**Quebec: Quatre**

Trowa was sitting at his computer, feeding in the data from the last mission, and Quatre was watching him curiously. He knew the other boy felt the stare. Finally, the pilot sighed.  
"What do you need, Quatre?"  
"Just…just wondering how you worked that database." The Arabian sounded embarrassed. "I've never been able to figure out the encryption script."  
Three sets of eyes turned to him incredulously. "So how've you done it in the past?" Trowa demanded, rising from his chair.  
Quatre gulped. "Um…Heero's been typing it in for me."  
Three pairs of eyes turned from the Arabian to the Japanese pilot, standing with arms crossed in a corner. Heero shrugged.  
"Why not."  
"So…" Duo leaned forward in his chair. "Why're you asking now? Just ask Heero!"  
"He's got to start figuring things out on his own," Heero said before Quatre could respond. "Just because I might not be here one day, and he'll have to enter his own data."  
"Heero-"  
Quatre reached out a hand, but the Wing Gundam pilot ignored it, standing there with his arms crossed and his eyes far away.  
"It hurts," Quatre murmured, too quiet for Heero to hear. "It hurts, Heero…"

  
**Romeo: Resistance**

He thought sometimes of that soldier that had died in the battle, bleeding over his hands, all for a cause.  
Why did that soldier fight?  
Why did that soldier die?  
_I'm not strong enough…I'm not worthy of Nataku. I'm weak.  
You're weak!  
Yes, we are weak. But we fight…because we believe.  
Do you believe?_  
He didn't know if he believed.  
Why did he fight?  
And would he be willing to die?

  
**Sierra: Space**

If I had to fall in love I would fall in love with space.  
Except like everything else I have ever loved, it's dying.  
I'm killing it.  
_Ore no kokoro…uchuu no naka…  
Wo hui sha ni._

  
**Tango: Tallgeese**

"Treize Khushrenada!"  
The cry was a rip across the time and space continuum itself, as if the universe were shattering before his eyes as the other mobile suit approached, bearing on wings of destiny the man he had vowed to destroy.  
"I'll kill you!"  
Tallgeese was a beautiful meteor across the silver stars of space and it streaked towards him faster than a light ray, blinding him. Such a machine should never have been built. It was too beautiful, too beautiful for this destruction.  
He was tired of killing beautiful things.

  
**Uniform: Unit**

"There are three units of mobile dolls altogether that Libra is capable of sending against us right now. You should have no problem with them. The real problem lies with Epyon and Libra's main cannon."  
"So Merquise is there." Heero leaned over the table, cobalt eyes smoking.  
"We don't know," Noin maintained, clicking the switch of the laser pointer. The briefing screen changed to a mobile doll schematic. He sat back, bored. Nothing he hadn't seen at least five times before. From the corner of his eye, he could see Duo falling asleep.  
"Three units shouldn't be a problem," Quatre said thoughtfully.  
"But Epyon…"  
Heero's words hung in the dark room. Three units and Epyon. He suddenly felt sorry for Noin.  
"Noin? Are you…" he took a deep breath. He was asking her - a woman - a direct question. Politely. Carefully. "Are you coming with us?"  
What the hell had prompted him to ask something foolish like that?  
She frowned at him, the pointer dropping away from the screen. "I was thinking about it." A siilence, in which he could see the other pilots staring at him. Except Duo, who was asleep.  
"Would you like me to?"  
Shit.  
He had been afraid she would ask him that.  
"Wufei?" Quatre.  
He gripped the edge of the table. Five Gundams…against three mobile doll units was more than enough…but with a cannon and Epyon…  
He could see them dying.  
He was tired of pretending.  
He was tired of trying to be strong.  
"Yes," he said quietly, looking at his hands. "Yes, I do."

  
**Victor: Vice Commander**

"Une wants me to be vice commander," Sally said, flinging herself onto the stool beside him at the empty bar. He shrugged, taking another sip of his tea. The bar was dark except for the single light that lit the area of the room around him with harsh white light.  
"So?"  
"So I don't want the responsibility!" she bit out. "Noin's a much more qualified soldier than I am. And she knows Merquise's tactics and how he fights. Why didn't Une ask her?"  
He looked sideways at her. There were dark circles under her eyes and her braids were coming undone. She looked like she hadn't slept in days. The look she gave him was murderous, but he just continued looking at her, sipping his tea, without comment.  
"What?" Sally finally demanded, when he didn't speak. "Stop staring at me!"  
He slid off the stool with one fluid motion, finishing the last of the tea and placing the cup on the bar.  
"Get some rest, Sally."  
Ignoring her incredulous look, he turned and walked from the light into the shadows.

  
**Whiskey: War**

War.  
I live for war. I have never lived for anything else.  
Never.  
If I did, I don't remember.  
Don't make me remember.  
I don't want to.

  
**X-ray: Xenophobia**

"Do I ever feel different to you?"  
Quatre cocked his head. "What do you mean?"  
"I'm Chinese," he said bluntly. The moment the words were out of his mouth he regretted it. They made him sound like a weak fool. "Do you think of me as different?"  
The blonde boy looked confused. "Huh? Why…why would I do that? Heero's Japanese, right? Does it matter?"  
"Never mind."  
"No, really, Wufei, tell me. Did I do something wrong? Did-"  
"Forget it, Winner." He threw the chopsticks and bowl down on the table harder than was perhaps necessary. "Just forget it."

  
**Yankee: Yuy**

"Chang! Wufei, can you hear me?"  
There were hands shaking him, but he couldn't seem to open his eyes. There was a metallic taste in his mouth and he knew it from somewhere, but he couldn't place it. A light was shining somewhere far off.  
Was this what it was like to die?  
"Chang!" A slap. "Wake up!"  
He felt something force his mouth open and the metallic taste was gone in the wake of something cold and bitter. He gagged. Something thumped his back. Was he awake? He couldn't quite tell. Maybe this was some psychedelic dream, and he was dead, after all.  
"Wufei, you bastard."  
There was no compassion in the voice. None at all. Only burning anger.  
"If you die, I'll never forgive you!"

  
**Zulu: Zero**

It would be so easy to give himself over completely and just surrender and be gone, so easy. The electronic voice in his head called him, soothed him, crept up his numb senses and took him slowly little by little. It was pure torture and pain and ecstasy all at once.  
Pure power.  
_I can give you anything…I can give you everything. If you give me everything._  
It was what he wanted. If he could just let go…how long had he wanted to let go? Forever and ever he seemed, as he opened his eyes and saw the endless field of stars glittering on that faraway universe where he could go if he tried hard enough.  
He would no longer be weak.  
_I can give you anything,_ it breathed.  
_Chang Wufei.  
Anything._  
He was falling.

  
**--CLASSIFIED--  
ENCRYPTION CODE 05  
END TRANSMISSION**

**Notes:**

- The first word of all the seciton titles, A-Z, are the letters of the military phonetic alphabet. This alphabet is used in radio and data transmissions by the United States military. I would assume that the universe of Gundam W has something similiar.

- In section Sierra: Space  
-- _Ore no kokoro...uchuu no naka._ Japanese. _My heart...in the universe._  
-- _Wo hui sha ni._ Mandarin Chinese, Wufei's native language. _I will kill you._

  


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